Memo at midnight: Don’t try to fix me… I’m not broken.

Most people have a desire to fix things that are broken, to mend, to aid in finding solutions, to give their best advice. Not a bad thing at all.

When it comes to mental health though, help always needs to be evaluated. Does the intended target really need help or do they just want someone to listen and care?

I’ve been quite intrigued by the people who reach out and attempt to help me. It’s not that I don’t appreciate their efforts. I do feel like they are well-intentioned. However, I aways have a strong desire to tell them… please don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken.

So, I thought the following might be helpful…

On this blog I write candidly about mental health and all my struggles and I do so for a few reasons.

🍁 I want to connect with other people who are struggling with their mental health.

🍁🍁 I want to offer my experiences in order to improve the overall understanding of mental health disorders.

🍁🍁🍁 I want to send a message that it‘s ok to talk about depression, anxiety or anything else you might be experiencing. I want to encourage other people to express, not repress, those feelings.

🍁🍁🍁🍁 I want to demonstrate that mental health doesn’t have to fully dictate one’s life. I don’t need to give in to my disorder. Despite my mistakes and shortcomings, I have redeeming qualitites. This is why I choose to post about a lot of other topics I’m interested in.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁 Lastly, just the act of writing, posting and interacting with people is in itself the solution… doing so is extremely cathartic… and then being able interact with other bloggers, not just about what I’m going through, but about what they are going through as well is just the butter, sour cream and chives on my mashed potatoes.

All this gets negated, however, when someone is genuinly asking for help. Again though, I emplore you to just stop and evaluate the situation before deciding on a course of action.

By the way, the title of this post comes from a totally and completely awesome song from Evanescence called “Hello“. One of my favorites!

More: Memo at Midnight series

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22 thoughts on “Memo at midnight: Don’t try to fix me… I’m not broken.”

  6. God. Such a hard relate. People are used to solve problems. They forget that just listening to someone could be the help they needed. Not everyone wants you to fight their battle, sometimes, being there, silently, while doing nothing, is enough support. Thanks for sharing this. It needs to be heard more often. 🖤

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  7. Perceptive way to look at it, JoAnn. It’s gratifying you have the emotional maturity to understand that “fixers” just are trying to help.

    That impulse is in our natures as idealists, after all.

    Still, it’s blended with more than a little narcissism, in my experience. Allied, perhaps, with a trace of self-importance.

    Speaking of maturity, the fixer must summon enough just to listen and not to dictate. Truth is, we all cross the line in these situations, sometimes offering “advice” when none is sought. Still, it’s helpful to recall how we ourselves would feel in our friends’ place.

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    1. So true and well said! We all want to be that wise one to whom everyone comes to for advice and sound information. Plato, Socrates… Anthony Fauci… On the other hand I don’t believe anybody sets out to be the village idiot… that happens purely by accident I’m sure.

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